Healthy Grief

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Human beings from time to time face loss of the beloved ones. There are usually specific responses that are prompted by such loss. This is what grief is all about. It is a reaction emanating from the loss of something that was strongly attached to someone. One of the people, who underwent grief in the bible times, was Job. To him, this was a divine punishment. All the same, Job’s response to this grieving process was out of the norm. His Christian faith was demonstrated through the predicament he had fallen in.  God is pleased with the manner, in which Christians search for the truth, like Job did. Job’s pursuit for righteousness is justified in the Christian faith. As a Christian, Job could not compare the wondrous deeds of his deity founded on the ignorance of what was going on in his life. In suffering things are caused that are very much binding to the scenario and can be matched up to the mourning levels that human beings undergo at some point in life. These levels can be compared to Kubler-Ross’ grieving process and grief stages of responding to the loss that has been incurred.

According to Kübler-Ross (2005), the grieving process has five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The first stage is all about denial. There is usually a tussle to fail to accept the loss. It is not easy for an individual to succumb to the idea that the loss has happened, because of the great attachment that was there. This normally takes place in the first days following the loss. For Job, he was not ready to accept the news about the demise of his children and loss of property. He was still confident that all was well and that he did not lose anything. He was sure of getting his adored possessions back. The denial of the fate that befell Job allowed him to deal with the immediate scenario by contacting friends. The denial stage can easily make someone anesthetized. Constant denial, however, is not healthy; although, it could be useful to a person to get along with the situation once it has happened (Kübler-Ross, 2005). The case of Job in the Bible was somehow different, since he challenged his close allies on the fortunes he faced and he was seemingly strong in dealing with the issues at hand, because his denial was characterized by a lot of hope.

Anger, as highlighted by Kubler-Ross, is the second stage in the grief process. Following denial, anger flares up. According to this model by Kubler-Ross, it is very easy to blame others in the anger phase. There is normally a lot of rage and anger directed to the people around and somebody could indeed want to find out, why such things came to be. Even though the outward show seen in the people in the surrounding is anger, there is pain that lies underneath (Kübler-Ross, 2005). All the same, it is important not to endeavor to hold the anger back. Showing anger in the open way dissipates and amounts to the inner pain in the individual. For Job, he cursed the day he was given birth to and that night, when he was conceived, as recorded in the book of Job 3:3 (The Holy Bible). All the same, Job, as seen in the Bible, directed his anger to the evil one. He confided in God a lot and totally altered the entire view concerning his predicament. He became angry with his wife and friends for their views concerning the challenges he was facing. All he needed from them was support in the notion that everything was still well, because God was still in charge. His wife, for instance, gave him an idea to curse God, which would lead to his death. He considered her foolish for harboring such thoughts. Even though Job was angry, his anger did not seem to take a normal route, as is the case with many people we see.

The stage that follows anger is bargaining. This grieving phase can be of different kinds. For instance, Job would make an agreement with God to get back his possessions that were lost. Some people would vow solemnly to fulfill something, if the loss was averted. There are quite a number of common tales during this process. They always begin with “what if…” or “if only…”, as an answer to the loss is being sought after to reinstate the individual back to the normal situation (Kübler-Ross, 2005). For Job, he was very firm in the position he has taken. He was very confident and vowed that God would still come through for him, even if his body was destroyed. He chooses to remain faithful to his maker in order to get ransom. He hangs onto to the God to get back what he lost. This gave an answer to his “what if…” and “if only…” questions and for sure, he got them.

The next stage, which follows bargaining, is depression. The depression phase is strongly believed to take lengthy periods of time; it can last for months or even years. The exact duration for depression amongst victims cannot be established (Kübler-Ross, 2005). People start to have a vacuum feeling in the place, where they live, as they live owing to the loss they have encountered. The victim, in some occasions, could start to withdraw from the close associates and friends and could be overwhelmed with the desire to manage the grief effectively. This was the case for Job. He withdrew from friends and family to seek for refuge elsewhere. It seems that this was the only solution for Job in endeavoring to address his grief. In essence, he was able to do that, since he had a strong depression, because he did not get the help he needed from his family and friends on the matters related to the condition he was in.

Acceptance comes in as the last stage. At this point, the victim comes to a realization that it was indeed real that the loss occurred and actually part of the life one lives is gone (Kübler-Ross, 2005). All the same, it does not necessarily imply that the individual is now calm and content with the loss incurred. It is a stage, where the individual only accepts the new occurrence, and takes personal effort to find happiness again. In this stage of acceptance, the individual begins to restructure his life, sticking to the idea that even though such significant things do not exist anymore, they will recur in their minds and in their hearts all through. Job accepted the loss and asserted that he did not have anything, when he was born, and he would go back to the one, who created him without anything. He further says that trouble belongs to man, as stated in Job 5:7 (The Holy Bible). This is, basically, the final stage, and Job seems to accept what has befallen him at this point.

Scientologists believe that grief has to be addressed through another person (therapist) by means of counseling or giving comfort (Beyer, n.d). The grieving process is almost similar, though not much detailed. The important thing for scientologists is seeking for the intervention of a specialist or an authority in addressing the aggrieved. This is how they find out joy. What brings me joy is somewhat different from what may be effective for other people. I like doing fun activities with my daughter and going on vacations, as a way of finding solace.

Along with finding joy, my preferred way of dealing with grief is in true religion that gives me the courage to be responsible and taken in anything that comes my way in a disciplined manner. By so doing, guilt in life is greatly reduced and great procedures and ideas are established to deal with the situation. This study on healthy grief has somewhat changed the way I perceive grief to be in; it does not have issues to do with other people, as many people tend to believe. The subject on grief as studied has been very useful in expounding on the ways a grieving process can be handled in a healthy manner and be prepared to tackle it, for it will surely come to be at some stage in life. 

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